I'm Running For President

I’m thinking of running for president. That’s right, I’m pretty qualified. I started thinking about this……last night and decided I should run. I started thinking about how our president is running our country and then I wondered how does he think these huge “CHANGES” are going to work out….and that is when I started thinking about “work”.

I have been working at a job pretty much since I was 15 and had to put gas in my own motorcycle. It was a gas guzzler with only 70 mpg and gas was a whopping 17 cents per gallon. I made .65 cents/hour at the car wash working for Mr. Lunsford. I recall he had a cute daughter and a ski boat, I may have to factor that into the background vetting process. I wonder if that is considered an unclaimed benefit.

Since then I’ve had lots of jobs. I’ve had so many I could lend a couple to the politicians that have never actually had a real job. So I made a list of my jobs and their relevance:

1) Car Wash Attendant ---------Water Conservation & Environmental Impact

2) City Road Maintenance( potholes)  -------- Highway Development (Shovel Ready Projects)

3) Grave Stone Setting --------- Final Arrangement Service (Death Counseling)

4) Grocery Store Stocker ----------- Food Delivery Management (FEMA)

5) Gas Station ---------- Petroleum Distribution (Alternative Energy)

6) Ranch Hand -----------Agriculture and Cattle Management

7) Mechanic --------- Automotive Emission Standards (EPA)

8) Nursing Home Orderly ---------- Senior Health Care Specialist

9) Hospital Orderly ---------- Medical Services (HIPPA)

10) Muffler Shop ----------- Environmental Noise Expert (EPA)

11) Carpet Installer -------- Adhesive and Textiles

12) General Construction Laborer --------- Commercial Contractor

13) House Painter -------- Home Improvement and Restoration

14) Furniture Mover ------- Family Relocation Services

15) Janitor ----------- Sanitation Engineer

16) Security Guard --------- Protection Services Expert

17) Tire Installer --------- Automotive Tire Inflation Specialist (good gas mileage)

18) Insurance Sales ------------ Evil Insurance Company Employee

19) Stock Broker (NASD) -------------- Greedy Investment Advisor

20) Goodyear Tire Store Manager ----------- White Collar Manager

21) Ford Service Writer --------- Corporate Automotive Executive (good)

22) GM Service Writer --------- Corporate Automotive Executive (bad)

23) Unemployed --------- Out Of Work American Without Adequate Benefits

24) Deputy Sheriff ---------- Legal and Law Professional

a) Police Patrol -------- Criminal Investigation and Response

b) DARE Officer -------- Drug Abuse Prevention Expert

c) School Officer -------- Teen Guidance Counselor

d) Speakers Bureau Citizens Groups --------- Community Organizer !!!

e) Traffic Enforcement --------- Transportation Engineer

f) Firearms Instructor ---------- Gun Control Expert (firm grip and sight alignment)

25) Motorcycle Dealership ----------- Small Business Owner (Entrepreneur /Employer)

Now that I have shown you my work related credentials and I’m sure you will agree that I have far more experience than necessary but there’s more. I was born into a military family. My father was in the army and when he got out he went to college and worked to support his wife and child at the same time earning a teaching certificate and a seminary degree. He became a minister and teacher in a poor Western town in rural Colorado till he accepted a position as a missionary in Kenya (see a connection yet).

I went to grade school in a one room school house carpooling for many miles over rough roads always aware of the people who were barefoot and walking because they lacked the resources to obtain a car of their own. I later attended the missionary boarding school where I learned the hardship of being sent away from your family and home. When I made it to high school I transferred to a British school for boys which had strict discipline and no nonsense first class teachers that held students accountable for their grades with no concern for our self esteem or feelings in either head or buttocks.

My peers were other boys from England, China, India, Pakistan, East Germany, Denmark and Yugoslavia. They were Buddhist, Hindu, Sikhs, Muslims and even Communists. I got along with all of them because we were just boys and all subject to the whims of the Prefects who strove to teach us the lessons of life that someone higher up is always there to make you miserable. Knee socks are not the only thing that goes downhill.

I learned that the American Flag provides great comfort and protection and it also can bring great animosity and derision. I learned to cherish its significance and the “Big Stick” it symbolized. Above all others, America stood for truth and justice when others faltered and most knew that.

I returned to America at the end of the fabulous ‘60s in time to learn how to drive in those wonderful gas guzzling cars, start dating and graduate high school. By my count I’ve owned 1 motor home and 2 boats and 30+ motorcycles and 30 cars (my Olds 98 was 3” longer than a 12 passenger van). I should be a Car Czar. I’ve even had 3 Toyotas.

I attended a Christian Liberal Arts College and was fashionably rebellious, liberal and full of youthful idealism. I studied to be a teacher and majored in history and social studies. After graduation, I married and moved to Southern California where I became absorbed in the human struggle to pay rent and eat. Around this time I surrounded myself with intellectual pro military conservatives (retired Navy) that began to teach me the principals of capitalism, and that if you work hard, doors of opportunity open freely.

My education continued with each new career move and by the time I entered law enforcement I was a parent with two children and I became versed in the needs of working parents for child daycare and the hardship of shift work on family life. I have a full appreciation for the cost of college tuition and for the struggle to provide adequately for retirement.

I’ve lived across the world in an underdeveloped country. I’ve traveled to many other countries that are both developed and not. I have also been all across America and seen the amazing contrasts in the way we live and the way we are free to move about and to take advantage of the opportunities we are given if we simply want to. My family came to America in the early 1700s. I know some fought in the Revolutionary War. I wonder what they thought of the achievement of the Founding Fathers and the Republic they gave us. When I took my oath of office, it was to uphold the Constitution of The United States. It was never rescinded.

I could have written a book. Lots of people do and I have read their books and used some of their material in my work. I never really felt that anyone would need to read my book since there already so many qualified writers doing the job. After all what could I add? What would make me an authority or expert on any of the subjects I’ve listed here that has not already been covered by others? You see that is exactly the question I ask about being in elected office let alone the highest office of president. What makes one qualified to be president? I’ve always believed that it should be more. He should have the best leadership qualities and should have real world experience in the areas of business and finance and trade and should also be versed in foreign affairs. I expect someone a lot more experienced than me. It should require more than a Harvard law degree and being a Community Organizer. Being groomed for the job by someone else that won’t or can’t get the job themselves worries me. It worries me that this president wants to “Fundamentally Change” America rather than protect it from those that would try to change it.

Barak Obama has demonstrated that anyone can succeed in America and become The President. That is at the same time wonderful and very very frightening. You see, I will not run for President. I do not believe I have the qualifications but I do believe that my resume, with the right shiny wrapping and clever wording and enough political money behind it would look pretty good ……….. and I would uphold the oath I took that day I put on the badge.

Did I mention my 5th cousin is Abe Lincoln?

Tim Woodsome
Runnin With Scissors